the loudest silence…

dead“Patay na ni, Nook” she was weeding the flower bed with a trowel.  We were in her little garden out in the sun.

“Dili na gyud na mutubo Ma”  I frowned at her dead Gumamela (hibiscus).

Pero, sayang man gud kung tangtangun nato Nook”.

You’ll get over it, Ma.  Can we go now?”

I thought I’d get over it; this memory and so many more.  But grief is overwhelming.  It has been two years, yet I was staring out of my mother’s window at the Gumamela, wishing I could see her once more working in her garden.  I wanted to tell her that I can’t get over her dead Gumamela and I can’t stand to think she’ll never sit by that window ever again.

I walked out into the living room with heavy steps.  I could hear the sound of my mom’s silent sighs every time she stares at the crowd in front of her… she hates crowding.

Let’s play the video now” Ilyn announced.

I walked away to the end of the table, beside my mother’s bedroom.  I had seen it before.  The sound of my mom’s laughter every time she saw that pictures echoed in my ears.  Everything in that house reminded me of her.  Everything smelled of her.

I opened my bedside table drawer to shove her memories out of my head, but I saw that last letter she handed me years ago.  I reread it over.  It said:

My Dearest Anak,

Hello there!!! Good morning, good noon, good afternoon & good evening to you and your kasama.  Nook, sunugon mo kining akong sulat kanimo, pagkatapos mo mabasa, para wala ka ng Makita o basa-basahun mo pag-usab………………………

 Sweet kisses, I love you & missed you and my best regards to Edna.

Your loving Mama

I smiled and wondered why she wants me to destroy her letter to me.  But it hardly mattered because I found it again at the right time.

G.

 

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